Author: Raven Shadowborne © 1997
Submission: (by definition) the act of submitting to the power of another
A rather frightening prospect for most people. To give control of yourself to someone else. The act of submitting is part of the power exchange inherent within a D/s relationship. It is the giving of yourself to another within preset limits, arranged before hand. It is an informed choice and therefor consensual. A person shouldn’t just decide to submit to the first dominant they meet. A submissive should take the time to get to know the dominant outside the roles of dominant and submissive, as the person he/she is. With the information gathered during that initial learning of each other process, the submissive can then make an informed decision of whether or not to submit to that dominant. This process should include discussions of expectations, wants, needs and desires.
Each submissive must decide for themselves how far they are willing to go and still stay within the guidelines of safe sane and consensual, thereby not crossing into the realm of abuse. The three tenets of D/s must always apply for the submission to be true submission and not abuse.
Why a person is submissive varies extensively from person to person. Some are submissive just for a little extra zing in their intimate lives. Others may have a deep psychological need that prevents them from being any other way.
The three main levels of a submissive which I have seen are as follows. Be aware there are more concise groupings than these three broad ones, as evidenced by the 9 levels of submission that are widely used and referred to in many books of D/s and discussions of D/s.
A: Sexual Submissive (AKA bottom, sensual submissive)
a sexual sub is in D/s for their own sexual gratification. Once their sexual needs are met they are satisfied. They feel no real need to submit any personal control to another.
B: Psychological Submissive
This broad category tends to include those who are in it for the pain and humiliation a D/s relationship can give them. This category tends to include most masochists. Those who have suffered real abuse and are stuck in victim mode, tend to end up in this category.
C: Natural Submissive (AKA True Submissive)
Is born with a submissive nature. A need to please others. This need and submissive tendency goes beyond sexual gratification. It is in their nature to please others, and they will readily give up their control to another with very little or no urging from their dominant.
Who’s to say which category is correct. Being submissive is as unique and individual as you are your own person. Being submissive comes from the heart. It can not be faked, acted or role played. True submission is a gift of high value. It is my opinion that those of us within the lifestyle should not judge any one else within the lifestyle. Who are we to say that a sexual sub is not submissive on a different level? Or that there can only be one type of submissive? Remember, life is full of small variances and innuendoes, so is D/s.
Reprinted with permission from Leather n Roses – Original article here