Online relationships
Online relationships may seem as though they are empty and lacking a great many things, which they are. There are however a great number of positive things about them, especially for someone who is interested in exploring her submissive desires. It can be much too late to say no once you are already tied to his bed with a gag in your mouth.

An online relationship is somewhat like window shopping, you get to look around, picture how it looks on you, but there is no commitment to buy. As long as it stays online, all you have to do is say no to end things. Trying everything out online gives you a good bit more control over the pace and tempo of your exploration. There are however several drawbacks to net-only realtionships. Chief among these is the actual lack of being touched, tied up, spanked, whipped and fucked. No matter how good the realtionship is online, taking it to real life takes it to new levels. In years online I have seen several people leave marriages, engagements and signifigant others to enter into the BDSM lifestyle because of their (at first) online explorations.

Advice for online relationships, and meeting your dom

  • Get to know your dom before you meet them
  • Trust your instincts! You have been interacting with people for years, listen to that experience.
  • Check out their references. Talk to people they’ve met before, find out things that they haven’t/won’t tell you.
  • Meet first in a public place. Don’t be afraid to limit the first meeting to be entirely in that public area. Let someone you trust know who you’re with, and where you are, and when you expect to be home. Trust them to call the police if you don’t return on time. Call them if plans change!
  • Don’t let them push you into meeting or scening with them before you are ready to do so. If they insist consistently, leave the relationship.
  • Agree on a safeword(s)
  • Do not rush into things
  • If spending time alone with your dom, arrange a check in phone call with a friend. Use code phrases to say “Everything is fine” or “Help, get me out of here”.

Things to look for in a dom
Honesty and trustworthiness are the most important traits because they should be common to all doms. Things which you should look for depending on your taste are openness (or do you prefer the mystery man?), gentleness (far from all subs want gentleness from their dom though, so look to yourself for your desires), even-temper (or someone who blows up – though be careful because the line between BDSM and abuse is very narrow, and easy to stumble across), sense of humor (again, to some the ideal dom doesn’t ever laugh) and understanding (though some prefer to be punished strictly for everything they do, other subs desire understanding and forgiveness).

Look for someone who tries to get to know you, at least as far as knowing your interests and desires in BDSM. If your fantasy is to be treated as an object, and not to have your own interests explored but simply to have your activites dictated/controlled you wouldn’t do well with someone who wants to know everything about you (such as me). Don’t automatically assume that someone is right for you just because they call themselves a dom, we’re all individuals and have our own problems, faults and quirks. Not all who label themselves as dom actually are either, there are a large number of guys out there who will approach you as a dom if they perceive you to be a sub, but the same guys will approach you as a sub if they thing you are domme.

Above all else, take some time and talk to a prospective dom. Ask them questions about themselves and about how they would handle you, don’t be afraid to be specific either if there’s something you think you need to be handled on way or another.

This article originally appeared at dark.delusions.com