An adaptation by j.
The Panties Thief
When Patty and Dale told me that someone was stealing their panties, I thought, “Oh, sure! Like there’s a panty thief on the loose!” Dale and Patty are my really, really best friends, but on one of their wilder nights, those girls have, like, no idea what happened to their panties when they wake up without them the next morning. Their story about someone stealing them when they were doing laundry sounded like just about the lamest excuse that I’d ever heard.
Anyways, that’s what I thought until a couple of pairs of my own underwear turned up missing from a load of clothes that I’d left in a dryer in the laundry room of our apartment house. I was really mad. The ones that disappeared were my very favorites and about the only two pairs I had that weren’t, like, pretty raggedy. I didn’t have a thing left to wear on a hot date, because there’s nothing more embarrassing than having some guy pull down your jeans and see that you’re wearing panties with these big holes in them.
“See what we told you, D.B.,” Patty said when I told her some of my panties were missing. “Next time we tell you something, you ought to believe us.”
Dale and Patty call me D.B., which is short for Debbie but also for Dumb Blonde and which I don’t think is, like, very funny at all. They are just jealous because I have this long blond hair that drives all the guys crazy. If they were not my very, very best girlfriends, I would not let them get away with it, and I would for sure not let Dale tell all those dumb-blonde jokes that she teases me with.
Of course, when she heard that I had found out that their panty-thief story was true, she had to tell me her latest joke, which was about this blonde who takes her car into this garage because it isn’t running right and when she goes back, she asks the mechanic guy, “What’s the story?” The guy says, “Just shit in the carburetor,” and the blonde asks, “How often do I have to do that?”
See what I mean? That is just dumb, not funny, and besides, I know a lot more about cars than Dale does, and she never even bothers to check her oil unless she can get some guy to do it, so she is not one to talk. I bet she doesn’t even know what a carburetor is! Well, I guess I don’t know exactly either, but I was not the one who told that joke.
Anyways, our panties kept on disappearing whenever we left a load of clothing in the laundry room. I even lost a couple of the ones with holes, and I only had two or three pairs left then, so I had to go to Target and buy some more, and I decided to get some of the thong kind, which was a big mistake because on those panties, the backside was this really narrow strip of cloth that got in my butt crack and drove me crazy, so I said, “Well, this is, like, too much, and we are going to have to find out what is happening to our panties.”
For once, Patty and Dale agreed with me. The next evening, Patty went down and put in a load of wash, and we all went into my apartment to wait and see what happened. See, my apartment is right over the laundry room, and when the window in my bedroom is open, you can hear just about everything down below. Usually, that is a big pain, especially when some fool decides to do laundry in the middle of the night, but when you are trying to catch a panty thief, it is a big help.
We sat next to the window and listened while the washer ran through its cycle. We sat there for a while longer when it stopped, and Patty was just about to go down and put her clothes in the dryer when we heard the laundry-room door open and close. We all ran down the back stairs, and when we threw open the laundry door, there was this guy Larry standing by the washer with a wet pair of Patty’s panties in his hand. You should have seen the look on his face when he turned and saw us!
Larry lives in our apartment complex, and we used to see him around, but he seemed kind of shy and would never say much of anything when we met and would just kind of nod and say hello. We never paid a lot of attention to him, because he was okay-looking but not, like, you know, a real handsome guy. I guess he was the kind of guy that you’d expect to steal panties, because he wasn’t very likely to get his hands on them any other way.
“Are those your panties, Larry?” Dale asked him.
His face turned bright red, and he mumbled something that sounded like a no.
“I didn’t think they were,” Dale said. “I believe those belong to Patty, and I wonder what the police would say if we called them and told them that some guy was going around taking girls’ underwear. I think they might like to have a long talk with him. Don’t you think that’s what would happen, Larry?”
Larry looked like he was about to cry. “Please don’t tell anyone,” he begged. “I promise to give you back all the panties that I took. Just don’t call the police. Please.”
“I think we’d better go up to Debbie’s apartment and talk about that,” Dale said.
She stood aside and motioned for Larry to lead the way, and when he was walking past her, she swatted him on the bottom of his jeans, and he jumped about a foot in the air. All the way up the stairs, he kept looking back over his shoulder like he was afraid she was going to do it again. When we got to my apartment, he started pleading with us not to tell anyone. Dale said that, okay, we would not call the police, but he would have to bring back all the panties and he would have to accept a punishment from us. Larry got a real funny look on his face when she said that.
“What kind of punishment?” he asked.
“I’m not sure,” she said. “Why don’t you go get the panties right now, and we’ll be thinking about a punishment while you’re gone.”
After he left to go up to his apartment for the panties, Patty asked Dale what in the world she meant by punishment, and Dale just grinned and told her to wait and see. Like she didn’t even discuss it with us at all, which was not a surprise to me, because Dale is always really, really bossy, and I’m sure she had already made up her mind what was going to happen to poor Larry.
Instead, she told us another dumb-blonde joke, which I was really not in the mood for, but she went right ahead. It was about this blonde who was walking down the street with one of her boobies sticking out of her blouse. This cop came up to her and told her that he was going to have to give her a ticket for indecent exposure, and she asked him why. “Because one of your breasts is exposed,” he said, and she looked down at her bare booby and said, “Oh, my gosh! I left the baby on the bus again!”
I didn’t think it was very nice to tell a story like that about a mom, but I didn’t say anything, and just then Larry came back with this paper bag full of our panties, which he dumped out on the couch. Dale looked at them and said, “Oh my, Larry, you must really like panties. I think what you’re going to have to do is model them for us.”
“Model them?” Larry squeaked. “What are you talking about?”
“It’s really simple,” Dale said. “You go into D.B.’s bedroom, and you take off your clothes and put on a pair of panties, and then you come back and model them for us. That’s not so tough to understand, is it?”
“I don’t want to do that!” Larry said, and you could tell the idea really scared him.
“I don’t imagine you do,” Dale said, “but you’ve been a very bad boy and now you’re going to have to take your punishment like a man.”
She gathered up the underwear, stuffed it back into the bag and held out the bag to Larry. He stared at her like he couldn’t believe what was happening, but he finally took the bag, and I showed him where the bedroom was and he walked back there like he was going to a hanging. Like his own hanging.
He was in there for a long time. When he came back, he was naked except for a pair of my nylon panties, and I guess they were the most modest pair he could find. They were like a little kid’s underwear, light blue with lace trim at the waist and around the leg holes. They covered his whole butt, which is a lot more than I could say for some of the other panties in that paper bag.
Larry looked silly, but he looked kind of sexy, too. His face was so red it was like it was on fire, and he was hanging his head and wouldn’t look us in the face. We were all sitting on the couch, and he walked back and forth in front of us a couple of times, walking real stiff like he was trying to keep his bottom from wagging around. When he had paraded past us a couple of times, he turned to go back to the bedroom and put on another pair of panties.
“Wait a minute, Larry,” Dale said. “I think we’ve got a little problem here.”
Larry stopped and looked at her with a real puzzled expression.
“Your penis must be pretty small,” Dale told him, “because it doesn’t show through those panties at all. We’ve got to be able to see it for the pictures we’re going to take, so I guess I’m going to have to wrap a rubber band around your penis and balls so they’ll show up better.”
Larry’s red face turned white. He looked like he was having trouble trying to catch his breath. He couldn’t get out what he wanted to say, but you could tell that he didn’t want anything to do with Dale’s plan. She just reached over, picked up the phone off the table next to the sofa and started dialing.
“No, no! Wait! Don’t call the police!” Larry said hurriedly. “You can do it. You can do whatever you want.”
“I can put on the rubber band?” she asked.
Larry didn’t look at her or say anything, but he nodded his head yes.
“And we can take photos of you?” Dale continued.
“You won’t show them to anyone else, will you?” Larry asked.
“No, they’re just for us,” she answered.
“You promise?” he said.
“Absolutely,” she said. “Cross my heart.”
As far as I’m concerned, Larry was, like, a real fool to believe that girl, but I guess he was desperate.
“Okay,” he said. “You can do it.”
“That’s very smart, Larry,” she said. “And I want you to keep in mind that you better start obeying whatever we say, or the next time, I’m not going to stop dialing.”
“I will,” he said sheepishly.
“Good,” she said, “because there’s one other thing. Since you made such a big fuss about the rubber band and the pictures, I’ve afraid we’re going to have to extend your punishment with a tiny little spanking. We’re going to have to give you twenty-five swats on your bottom with D.B.’s hairbrush.”
Larry’s mouth fell open, and I thought he was going to say something, but he didn’t. He looked pretty sick, though.
“Don’t look so pitiful,” Dale said. “You don’t need to feel sorry for yourself, because you deserve anything that we decide to do. And don’t forget that we’re going to have photos of you. But don’t worry — we won’t show them to anyone as long as you do just what we tell you to do until we think you have gotten all the punishment you deserve.”
Larry stood there staring at Dale, probably wondering what kind of crazy woman she was. Finally, he said, “Okay, okay. Let’s just get it over with.”
“Good,” she said. “You’re being very smart about this. Now, I want you to take off those panties and come over here.”
Larry didn’t hesitate. He pulled down the underwear, stepped out of it and walked slowly over to where we were sitting on the couch. His thing was stiff and sticking straight out, but it still wasn’t very big. Like four or maybe five inches. The head of it was pretty good-sized, though, like it was made for a larger one. It was a brownish pink, a lot darker than the rest of his thing, so it really stood out.
We were surprised when Dale pulled a big long, thick rubber band out of a pocket of her jeans. I don’t know where she got that. Maybe she carried it around with her all the time to snap around guys’ things if she was disappointed by how big they were. I wouldn’t put anything past that girl.
She slid the rubber band over Larry’s dick and balls until it was right next to his belly or whatever it is you call it down there. She twisted it and wrapped it around a couple of times, and then she made a couple of loops just around the balls, so they were bulging out and were really, really red. When Larry put the underwear back on, you could see his thing for sure now. You could even see the outline of the head.
I had already gotten my Polaroid camera for Dale, and she began taking photos while we told Larry how to stand and pose. I think the best one was when we had him sit on the edge of the couch and lean way back. That really made the bulge in his panties pop out!
Patty left for a minute, and when she came back, she had her home video camera. Larry looked even sicker when he saw that, but he didn’t say anything. Patty started filming Larry as Dale told him how to walk around and wiggle his bottom. While he was doing that, Dale and Patty began singing, “It must be jelly, ’cause jam don’t shake like that,” and Larry got redder and redder.
They taped him in every single pair of panties that he had stolen, like maybe a dozen pairs, and most of them didn’t cover up nearly as much as the first ones he put on. With some of them, almost his whole bottom was bare, and he wore one pair of mine that had a hole in the front so that it looked like his thing was peeking out at us.
I thought, well, now we have more movies of Larry in panties than anyone will ever want to look at even if they really, really like movies of guys in panties, which I am sure some gay guys do, but I think that even my hairdresser Tony, who is no doubt about the most gay guy I know, would get bored. Me, I would rather see movies of guys WITHOUT panties.
When Larry had paraded around in the very last pair, Dale told him that it was time for his spanking, but she said that he had too much hair and that would make the spanking hurt less and that he would have to shave it off. Well, that was a big lie, because Larry only had just a little bit of hair on his butt. And then she told him that it wasn’t just the hair on his butt he had to shave but, like, all the hair on his body from the neck down. See, she was just being mean.
She got even meaner when we all crowded into my bathroom to watch him shave himself. I gave him one of the razors that I used to shave my legs, but I didn’t have any shaving cream and he had to use just soap and water. Patty was taping the whole thing, of course, especially when he was shaving around his thing and on his butt. He was really having trouble doing his butt, and Dale told him that it had better be real smooth or his spanking was going to be fifty swats instead of twenty-five. He looked worried about that, so she told him that she’d shave his butt for him and it would cost him only ten extra swats. He said okay.
What a fool! You can talk about dumb blondes all you want to, but I think I would have been a little smarter than Larry if I’d been in his place. Of course, it would not have come up, because I do not have any hair on my butt. Not a bit!
Anyways, when she had shaved his bottom all nice and smooth, Dale got a long rope and tied one end around Larry’s balls with a slip knot. Then she pulled the rope between his legs so that it came out behind him and threw the other end up over the shower-curtain rod. When she pulled down on it, the rope tightened and Larry went right up on his toes like some ballerina. His weenie and his balls were pulled right back between his legs, and he had to kind of bend over so that his balls wouldn’t be yanked right off!
After Dale tied her end of the rope to the faucet in the tub, she took some shorter pieces of rope and tied each of Larry’s wrists to the elbow of the opposite arm so that his arms were tight behind his back. He was, like, completely helpless, with his butt sticking out and his balls pulled way back underneath. You can bet that Patty took a lot of movies of him like that, and Dale shot some Polaroids, too. She even showed the Polaroids to Larry so he could see how silly he looked bent over like that. Mean! Mean! Mean!
“Okay, Larry,” she said. “You are all ready for your spanking now. Thirty-five spanks with D.B.’s hairbrush on that cute little bottom. Right? Larry nodded yes.
“Good,” Dale continued. “All you have to remember is that you’re not supposed to make a sound. If you say a word, I’m going to have to start all over again and you get a swat right on those tender balls of yours. Understand?”
She reached down and grabbed his balls, which were now bright red and bulging out of the loop of rope. She squeezed to show Larry that she meant what she was saying. He gasped (which didn’t count as a sound, I guess), but he nodded yes again. I mean, like, what choice did he have?
Patty and I looked at each other. It was pretty obvious by now that Dale was no beginner when it came to handing out punishment. I wondered whether or not she was some kind of dominatress or dominatricks or whatever you call it. If she was, I would not be surprised, though you would think that she would have told her very best friends about it if she was.
She made Larry count each time she whacked him on his bare butt, and it took a long time to get to thirty-five. She’d smack one side four or five times and then she’d switch to the other and swat it for a while. Larry was kind of whimpering, but he didn’t say a word. I guess he didn’t want to get his balls whacked. I would not want that either, though I do not have any balls, of course. But I know that if I had some, I would not want them whacked.
When she finally got to No. 35, she smacked him a really good one and stepped back and looked at his butt like she was proud of what she’d done. His bottom was just as red as his balls now, redder probably, and I felt a little sorry for Larry. Even if we were going to let him keep the panties, they would not be worth this.
“Okay, Larry,” Dale said, “we’ll let you rest for a minute or two before Patty and D.B. give you their thirty-five strokes.”
“Wait a minute!” Larry screamed. “That wasn’t — “
SMACK! Dale hit him on the left side of his butt as hard as she could, and whatever he was going to say just stopped right there. He gave a little moan, but he shut his mouth tightly like he was biting his lips.
“What a shame, Larry,” Dale said. “You forgot and talked! Now I’m going to have to start all over again.” She paused for a moment to let that sink in. “I tell you want, I’m not going to hit your balls, but you must absolutely not make another sound while the three of us are spanking you. Understand?”
A couple of tears were running down Larry’s face, but he nodded yes. Like I said before, what choice did he have?
I couldn’t believe the spanking the poor guy got. Dale gave him thirty-five more. It didn’t look like she was hitting him as hard this time, but his butt was already so red that the swats must have hurt a whole lot. Larry didn’t even whimper. There were a few groans as he got thirty-five more from Patty, and there were more tears coming down his cheeks, but he didn’t say anything.
Then it was my turn. I had decided to let him off really easy, because I felt funny about whacking someone, especially when his bottom was already so sore. But the hairbrush made a nice smack when I hit him, and it was kind of fun to see his little bottom jiggle. You could see him tighten it up as he waited for each new swat. I thought, well, this is kind of cool. I thought of some other guys that I’d like to do the same thing to, and that turned me on more. I guess maybe by the time I was finished, I didn’t let Larry off so easy after all. He was really bawling now, but the funny thing is, his hard-on didn’t ever go away. His thing was stiff as a carrot!
“That’s all the spanking for now, Larry,” Dale said as she untied his balls. “You did fine, but I want to remind you that you still have to do everything we say or you may find yourself right back in the same position. When you modeled our panties, it wasn’t really as good as it could have been, so you’re going to have to have a few more lessons before we let you go”
She had untied his arms as well as his balls by then, but Larry didn’t try to get away or do anything. He just stood there hanging his head, with his red butt and his little thing sticking straight out, and it was obvious that we could do anything we wanted to him now. It made me feel, like, sort of powerful and turned on at the same time, and I suddenly realized that the panties I was wearing had gotten wet. It was funny. Not funny hah hah, but just funny. You know what I mean.
Dale said that we should all go back into the living room, because the fun was about to begin. I thought it had already begun a long time back, but I didn’t say anything. I didn’t want to hear another one of Dale’s blonde jokes, and she always tells one if I make her mad. We girls sat down on the couch again, and Larry stood in front of us, not even trying to hide his boner.
“I think your little penis could use some relief, Larry,” Dale told him. “Why don’t you show us how you masturbate?”
“What?” Larry asked in astonishment.
“You know,” Dale said. “Jack off. You know how to do that, don’t you? We don’t have to show you everything, do we?”
Larry didn’t answer, but he grabbed his thing in his right hand and started jerking off, going real fast like he was trying to get it over with.
“Slow down!” Dale ordered him. “Take your time so we can get a good long look. Enjoy yourself, Larry.”
He slowed down, but he didn’t look much like he was enjoying it at first. Then he started to get into it, and he began breathing hard. He looked like he might get off any minute. “When you cum, I want you to catch it in your other hand,” Dale said. “Understand, Larry?”
He didn’t answer, but he raised his left hand until it was just under the head of his thing, and when he started squirting, he wrapped that hand around the end of his thing so that the stuff all landed in his palm.
“Now eat it,” Dale demanded.
He looked up at her and he looked really upset, but he did it. He licked the stuff right out of his hand. He did not look like he enjoyed it much, but that stuff does not taste so bad, you know? I do not swallow all the time, but I have, like, maybe, two or three times, and it was okay. I do not know what it would be like eating your own stuff, but it could not be that much different.
Patty had taped the whole thing, of course. Larry was getting in deeper and deeper. He probably should have taken his chances with the cops in the first place, because I do not think they could have been as bad as Dale.
She made Larry kneel down in front of her and tied a towel around his eyes for a blindfold. Then she yanked up her short skirt. Surprise, surprise! She didn’t have on any panties, and I know that Larry hadn’t stolen so many that she had none left. That girl knew this moment was coming up all along. She grabbed Larry behind his head and pulled his face down between his legs.
“Okay, Larry, get that tongue busy,” she ordered.
Patty and I were, like, stunned. We sat there with our mouths hanging open and watched Larry licking Dale down there until she got off real big, and then she pushed his head away and said, “Next!”
Well, I was not going to do it, but Patty jumped right up and stripped off her jeans and panties, and she took Dale’s place. Larry got busy, and when Patty started cumming, I though, oh, well, I will not be a party pooper, and I pulled down my underwear and kicked it off, and when Patty got finished, I was ready to go.
Larry was pretty good at licking, which kind of surprised me, and I was getting real hot when I had an idea. I told him to stop for a minute, and I turned around and got up on my knees on the couch and told him to go ahead again and this time my butt hole was waiting for him. This is something I like a lot, but most guys do not want to do it, so I thought, well, this is a good time for it, because Larry can’t say no.
“Great idea!” Dale said.
“Yeah, way to go, D.B.,” Patty added.
They both got real excited, and after he had licked on my backside for a while, they had to have him do it to them, too. I didn’t think that was fair, because I had not got off yet, and I thought Patty was going to have him keep licking her bottom all day. I wondered whether she had ever had a tongue in her butt hole before. If she hadn’t, she had sure found something she liked.
Finally, I got my turn again, and I had him lick my front this time, and I just laid back on the couch to enjoy myself, but you know Dale. She had to spoil it. She said that I had had such a good idea that she would reward me with a little story. I knew that another one of those dumb-blonde jokes was coming, just when I wanted to concentrate on Larry’s tongue between my legs, so I tried not to listen, but that was, like, impossible, as you can imagine.
“This motorcyle cop pulls up alongside a car that is speeding on the freeway,” Dale said. “When he looks inside, he sees that this blonde is driving along knitting. He gets as close as he can and yells, ‘Pull over!’ The blonde looks up and shouts back, ‘No, it’s a scarf!'”
Well, that was just about her dumbest joke yet, because what would make the cop think that woman was knitting a pullover? But I didn’t say anything. Larry was really going to town on my, you know, clit, and that was all I wanted to think about, and in about a minute or two, I had a great one.
That was not the last one, either. Before we got through with Larry, we made him go down on each of us two or three times more, and each time, we made him lick our butt holes, too. Whenever his thing got hard again, we told him to jack off, so he had a very busy evening. I was getting so turned on by all this that I practically came whenever he stuck his tongue up my butt. Now I know what they mean when they talk about a power trip.
When we were all worn out, we made Larry jerk off one last time. He shot out a lot, which surprised me, because I thought he’d be all out of stuff by then. It was probably more than he wanted to squirt, because Dale made him eat that, too, and Patty got some real close-ups of him with the stuff dripping out of his mouth. He had got off, like, five times, so I guess he was having a pretty good time after all.
“That’s it, Larry,” Dale told him. “I think you ought to be very grateful to us for the lessons you’ve learned. We’re through with you for this evening, but I want you to remember that we have some very interesting videos of you, and I want you to come and watch them with us whenever we ask you to. Now tell us all thanks.”
Larry mumbled through the thank-you’s, looking more embarrassed now than ever. You could tell he wanted to get away as quickly as he could.
“As a reward, Larry,” Dale said, “I want you to pick out a pair of panties and put them on.”
I thought he would choose that pair of mine he’d worn first, the ones that covered him the most, but he picked a pair of Dale’s that were tiny and showed the outline of his thing. And it was hard again!
“Okay,” Dale said, “you can wear those back to your apartment and pick up your other clothing tomorrow.”
Larry started to protest, but she held up one warning finger, and he just turned and went out the door wearing nothing but his new panties. The three of us began giggling and before long we were laughing so hard that we were rolling around on the couch. Finally, we had to stop to catch our breath.
“You know,” Dale said, “this reminds me of a story.”
Oh, no, I thought, here it comes.
“There was this blonde — ” she began.
* * * * * * * * *
(AUTHOR’S NOTE: This is my rewrite of someone else’s story that appeared a number of years ago in a national magazine. I always thought that it was an appealing piece of erotic fantasy, but it wasn’t very long and I wanted to try an expanded version. The story has been rewritten completely and a lot of new details have been added, but it follows the original plot very closely. My thanks go to the original author, whose only listing was “Name and address withheld.” Of course, the dumb-blonde jokes aren’t original either. A friend of mine sent me a bunch of them after finding them somewhere on the internet.)