Author: Dennis Najee
This topic came up on my social networking site yesterday and I thought I would pass along a few comments to you about it.
Mentoring is a viable way for a new person to learn about this lifestyle. Basically, in this scenario, an experienced person is chosen to help guide the new person through the pitfalls of the early stages of the lifestyle. We are involved with something that is so vastly different from the traditional that people are often overwhelmed with what they see. Also, since there are so many predators who seek to prey upon the vulnerability and ignorance of new people, it is helpful to have an experienced individual act as a protector. Obviously, this pertains more to the submissives rather than dominants. But, the concept of a mentor is helpful to both.
As mentioned, a mentor needs to have experience. That is the first things that should be sought out. I am amazed at how many get with someone who has only a few months or a year experience. That is not a mentor. Instead, that is a person who is most likely preying upon the sub in a deceitful manner. A mentor is there to pass along all knowledge gained by being around the lifestyle for a number of years (or decades). Thus, it is crucial that one be around for this time period.
A second thing that a mentor must be is trustworthy. Here is where the situation can enter a gray area very quickly. It is common for a new sub to ‘fall for’ her mentor. This is a person who is going to act in a manner that resembles a Dom or Master. However, he is not that person. The line between owning someone and being a mentor is clear. There is a degree of trust that is handed over to a mentor in the same way a therapist or counselor is given trust. To betray that by personally involving oneself moves into the area of deceit.
This means that the mentor needs to understand the limits completely. One who crosses the line is the lowest form so slim there is. I have greater respect for the trollers who are upfront and obvious about things. Most with any slight intelligence can pick them up instantly. The mentoring predators are more difficult. So, we need to be leery of these people.
Mentoring is advantageous in that it allows one to learn about this lifestyle without making the commitment to a particular person. Also, I always suggest one have more than one mentor so as to alleviate the possibility of one crossing the line and taking advantage. Plus, it is always helpful to have a couple of viewpoints about things.
Therefore, if you are new, before rushing headlong into a relationship, consider a mentor. It could be a way to prevent you making the mistakes that are commonplace today.