Coming to terms with your kinks and desires is a big step in your daily life, especially if you have kinks or desires that are not considered typical by most people. When the time comes for you to tell your girlfriend that you want to try BDSM, you have to be somewhat fearless about the situation. We’ll show you how to broach the topic and implement it in your life as easily as possible.
How to Start a Conversation About BDSM if the Topic Has Not Been Raised Before?
If you have never brought up BDSM before in your relationship, it might seem like something that will be met with resistance. Still, a survey conducted by this site shows that 10% of users were pleased to try the new practice. That means the practice is not for everyone, but it can be a fun and exciting way to try new things with your partner. Generally speaking, there are two ways to bring up the topic.
Be open and direct: tell your partner that you are interested in pursuing a kinkier relationship in the bedroom in terms of Doms and Subs.
Watch a movie about it together: let the relationship play out on screen and then bring up the topic after. Ask her if she would be interested in something like that.
It might never feel like the right time to make this happen, but you will get through it.
Start introducing BDSM with simple communication.
Implementing BDSM for beginners in your relationship might seem like it will be difficult, but that is not often the case. In fact, you need to have proper communication to make the whole thing work. Tell your partner what you want, your limits, and where you see that part of your relationship developing. You might not be met with enthusiasm right out of the gate, but at least the topic will be out in the open.
Explain that BDSM is primarily submission, not necessarily pain. And that you can just do without pain.
A huge problem that people have with BDSM is that a lack of information on the topic. People think they are about to be abused or have to wear a ton of leather. You should sit your partner down and use available resources to show her that you want the submission aspect of BDSM, not the pain. Your partner gets a say in what happens, too. There will be conversations, safe words, and aftercare that will promote healthy interactions between the two of you. Nothing will change fundamentally in the relationship; you’re simply exploring a new aspect of your bedroom activities.
Offer to play, talking to the girl with commands and orders.
If your partner consents, then you can try out some of the basic aspects of BDSM with them. Specifically, you can try to use commands and orders in the bedroom. Practice using a forceful, commanding voice to tell her what you want and have her obey. Again, do not force this on your partner, and do not ever bring BDSM elements into your relationship without the full consent of your partner. Once you have gotten some of the playful elements of the interaction down pat, you can start to move into more of the complex BDSM aspects to please you and your date.
Take your partner on a shopping trip, either in-person or online. While shopping, show your date the various things that you can buy that will not cause pain but still give you the feeling of control that you desire. You could show your partner cuffs, collars, ticklers, and other restraints so you can show her what you have in mind. You might find that your partner is more interested than you thought! It’s all about communication, after all!
Offer to buy a collar and try it.
When you decide to make some purchases to get your BDSM aspects primed in your relationship, you need to start small. Get a collar and let your partner wear it during your bedroom activities. You could also try some furry cuffs or other restraints. Use these to show that BDSM is not about pain (unless they want it to be) and that they are in complete control of what happens when you’re in a scene. Try new things and buy new items to enhance your bedroom activities.
You need to be brave if you want to successfully integrate BDSM elements into your relationship. You must learn to take things slow, listen to your partner, and never get so involved in the acts that you forget that you must have her consent to do anything. Be open and mindful, and your partner should at least hear you out. Not everyone is into kinks, but the people that try them tend to enjoy them.
Coleen is a writer, photographer and film maker at Wasteland and Sssh.com.
Here at BDSMCafe.com, she is editor and curator of this comprehensive library of BDSM fiction, informational articles and other educational features that date back to the early days of the internet in 1996 when the site was first launched.
