This part of the resources section is for anyone getting ready to take their first bite of the forbidden fruit. The world of bdsm can at times seem a bit scary, or silly, at first and while it can be both it isn’t always either. Sometimes its the way to intense and amazing experiences and relationships. If you’ve heard some bdsm expression that puzzles you, or you just want to browse a little, a good place to start is with our own ‘glossary of bdsm words’ and our ‘illustrated guide to bdsm’. These are helpful for quickly finding out what a word or expression means (in the glossary), or delving a little deeper for more details (in the illustrated guide). We’ve also collected a number of links to other information on this page which we hope will be helpful for newcomers to bdsm. In the main these are personal essays or articles written from their own experience by people actually in the lifestyle.
A Abuse – treating another person with physical or mental cruelty, usually on a regular basis and against their will. A fundamental difference between BDSM and abuse is that the former is consensual but the latter isn’t. Age Play – between adults involves adopting different roles to express a fetish based on age, for example it can take the form of teacher and naughty schoolgirl or mommy and child. Anal Sex or Anal Play – any sexual or fetish practice that centres on the anus (known more colloquially as the ass-hole). Anal Training – is designed to allow the anus to accomodate larger objects more easily. Anilingus – is anal-oral sex (or ass-licking) Animal Play – is consensual role-playing where one or more of the participants adopts the role of an animal, such as a pony or a puppy, not to be confused with bestiality Asphyxiation – asphyxiation is the unconsiousness and ultimately death which happens when the supply of oxygen to your brain is cut off. This can happen in auto-erotic strangulation or other breath-control play. Auto-Erotic Strangulation – occurs when people try to enhance their sexual experience by deliberately choking themselves or letting others do it to them. Dangerous. Don’t ever do it alone… or at all for that matter.
B BDSM – originated on the internet as an all-inclusive term to bring together the distinct but related activities of Bondage and Discipline (BD), Dominance and Submission (D/s), and Sado-Masochism (SM). Bestiality – is sexual intercourse or other sexually motivated activity between a person and an animal. Blindfolds – are devices which block vision and are used in BDSM play to create feelings of helplesness and disorientation. Bloodsports – are bdsm activities which break the skin and result in blood being shed. It could, for example, be cutting with a knife or razor, a hard whipping or caning, branding or piercing. A few Goths who dabble on the fringes of bdsm are heavily into the ‘vampire’ thing and see themselves as blood-suckers, but Dracula of course didn’t have to contend with AIDS. Body Fluid Monogamy – involves both partners in a steady relationship deciding to share body fluids only with each other to avoid the risks of AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases, only having sex outside of the relationship by practicing strict safe sex. Body Modification – is an inclusive term covering piercing, tattooing, and other practices which decorate or change the body for erotic or fetish purposes. Now often used in mainstream culture simply as a fashion statement rather than an indication of an alternative lifestyle.
Bondage – involves being rendered helpless by restraints. For many people, the knowledge that they are powerless, that someone else can do things with their body and they can’t prevent them, is a powerful turn-on. For others, the physical sensation of bondage feels erotic. Boot Boy – is the name given to a submissive (usually gay) male who has a fetish for leather boots worn by dominants, and who often works at a leather bar or charitable event shining shoes. The conclusion to the shoe-shining may be oral service to the boots. Bottom – is the word used in bdsm to describe a person who receives pain or sensation, and a ‘top’ is the person who gives it. There is no implied domination or submission. The term ‘bottom’ includes anyone who is on the receiving end of BDSM activities like bondage, corporal punishment, spanking etc. The words are sometimes also used as verbs ( as in to ‘top’ someone, or to ‘bottom’ for someone). Bottom Space – is a euphoric state reportedly experienced by some ‘bottoms’ during BDSM play when they are receiving pleasure or pain, allegedly triggered by the release of endorphins. Also known as sub-space, endorphin-high, or ‘flying’. Boundaries – are also called ‘limits’ , and are the personal lines that people dont wish, or aren’t prepared, to cross, for example refusing any activity that involves children, animals, bloodsports, ‘scat’, (shit), or any subject or situation which either the dominant or submissive finds frightening or repulsive. Boy – is a term sometimes used for male submissives, which has a special meaning in gay leather culture where it may also refer to the submissive partner in a Daddy/boy relationship. The word is also used in lesbian culture to denote a male-identified (but biologically female) bottom. Brat – describes a submissive or bottom who loves to resist and test the patience of the ‘tops’ or ‘dominants’. Being a brat generally involves role-play, with the ‘brat’ acting like a spoiled and wilful child. Breast Bondage – is erotic play which involves binding the breasts tightly. Generally it involves restraints (rope, rubber etc) which encircle each breast tightly where it joins the chest. The breasts and nipples become engorged with blood and exquisitely sensitive to the slightest touch. Stroking, clamping, or whipping can cause intense pain and pleasure. Breath control – usually involves the dominant partner controlling the breathing of the submissive. This can be done most easily when the submissive is bound or restrained, and it can involve pinching the nostrils or using other apparatus or materials to cover the mouth or nose for short periods. Branding – is burning the skin with heated metal to produce scarification in a design or pattern. It is sometimes used as decoration or to signify ownership, as when a ‘master’ will brand his ‘slave’ to denote that she is his property. Bullwhips – are arguably amongst the most dramatic implements available for BDSM play and can create intense psychological theatre. A typical bullwhip has a relatively short, rigid handle and a long flexible leather thong of varying lengths ranging from about 4-6 feet. The longer the whip, the harder it is to control. Butt-Plugs – are used for anal training or play. The anus (ass-hole) is rich in nerve endings and many women as well as men find anal play as arousing as genital stimulation. Butt plugs are inserted into the anus and stretch the tight ring of anal muscle (the sphincter). By doing so they can, if used over time and with gradually increasing widths, prepare the anus for more adventurous or easier anal play. Alternatively, the sensation of being ‘filled’ may simply be enjoyed as an end in itself.
C Candles – are used in play that involves dripping hot candlewax onto the skin of the submissive. Plain white paraffin candles are best, while coloured or beeswax candles are more likely to burn. Generally soft candles have a lower melting point and are safer. Canes – come in a variety of lengths and thicknesses and are traditionally made of rattan, although more recently man-made materials like fiberglass have become available. Depending upon how the cane is applied it can simply sting or it can raise severe welts. Usually applied to the ass but occasionally ( in school-room role-play) to the palms of the hands. Cat ‘o’ nine tails – was originally used by the British Navy to flog uppity sailors, and was a leather whip with nine thongs which were sometimes weighted with lead to produce a devastating punishment that could strip the skin off right down to the bone. Nowadays the cat ‘o’ nine tails is often a term used to refer to any multi-thonged whip. Catharsis – is the purging of emotions or tension. People may bring to bdsm sessions issues of self-esteem and past psychological trauma. The intense emotional charge generated by some bdsm encounters can be the catalyst which brings these issues to the surface. This can be either good or bad, depending on how its dealt with. It is potentially dangerous to stray into deep bdsm play unless you know what you’re doing. Clamps – are mechanical devices that come in various shapes and sizes but are all designed to cause pain through pinching or squeezing. They can include nipple clamps, crocodile clips or even the humble clothes-pin and are applied to erogenous areas such as nipples, cocks, balls or the vulva. Weights are sometimes added to increase the intensity of the pain. Cock and Ball Torture (CBT) – is the ‘torture’ or involvement in painful erotic play of the male genitalia (cock and balls). Methods may include clamps, clips, tight bindings of various sorts, whips, crops, electrodes, and hard-core addicts have even hammered nails through their unfortunate appendages. Cockrings – are, as the name suggests, rings that go around your cock. Usually they go around the base of it, behind the balls. The penis becomes erect when the blood vessels at its base constrict (because of arousal), trapping blood in the cock and causing it to swell and prolonging erection. They’re often used as an aid to impotence, or simply to prolong and increase the pleasure of an erection. Made of leather, with adjustable snaps, so you can tighten or loosen them to fit, rubber or metal. Collar – a collar used in bdsm is in physical appearance often like a dog-collar, made of leather or a chain, and worn around the neck (although some favour a symbolic thin gold chain for everyday wear). The conventional collar may simply be used as a prop in bdsm ‘play’ to denote a negotiated submission for a llimited play session, but it can also be used as more permanent symbol of ownership in some ongoing Dominant/submissive or Master/slave relationships. Collaring – usually means the formalising of a relationship between a dominant and submissive. There is no set procedure. It may be a simple understanding between two people or a ceremony attended by friends where vows are exchanged and the submissive is physically ‘collared’ (given a collar to wear). The collar itself may be symbolic or real. Collaring is often likened to a marriage, although of course it is not a legal contract. Contract (Slave Contract) – is an agreement which formally sets out the roles, responsibilities and limits of a Domination/submission relationship, sometimes called a slave or ownership contract. Counting Strokes – is a ritualized counting of the strokes of a caning, with the recipient sometimes being required to thank the dominant after each stroke. If the submissive miscounts a stroke or remains silent, then the stroke may be repeated.
Cross-Dressing – is dressing in the clothes of the opposite gender, and is a reasonably common fetish.
Cruxifiction – as practised in BDSM usually refers to a kind of bondage where the submissive is tied to a cross. Care needs to be taken to make sure that the weight is supported evenly and that the submissive can breathe properly. More rarely, hard-core devotees go further and actually have themselves nailed to a cross.
Cutting – generally means slicing the skin with a sharp implement (knife or scalpel) so that blood is shed
Cuffs – can be made out of leather, cloth or metal and are designed to restrain the wrists or ankles.
Cybersex ( online sex, virtual sex, virtual sceneing ) – most commonly involves two or more people, who are communicating in real-time via their computers, constructing a shared sexual fantasy and describing to each other how they feel and what they are ‘doing’. A bit like an inter-active erotic story.
D Dental Dams – are most commonly just a latex barrier used for cunnilingus (pussy-licking) or anilingus (ass-licking) to prevent the transmission of disease. Deviant – is the name for someone who diverges from the accepted standards, usually of sexual morality, is called a ‘deviant’. Discipline – in the bdsm context means training your submissive to obey rules or a code of behaviour, using punishment to correct disobedience. Dominance – is the exercise of power or influence over others. It can simply be role-play, where one partner is consensually empowered to ‘dominate’ while the other adopts the part of the submissive for the limited purpose of sexual games, or it can reflect deep-seated personality traits which influence life-style choices. Although the words ‘Dominant’ and its contraction, ‘Dom’ can refer to either gender they are most commonly reserved for men while a female dominant would be called a ‘Domme’, ‘Domina’, or ‘Dominatrix’. A person who enjoys playing both roles is called a ‘switch’ Dominant – (or Dom) can, stricctly speaking, be used in a bdsm context for either gender to describe a person who enjoys exercising power and control over others, however these words are usually reserved for males while their female equivalent is usually called ‘domme’, ‘domina’ or ‘dominatrix’. Dominatrix – (or Domme or Domina) are the terms most often used in a bdsm context to describe a female who enjoys exercising power and control over others D/s – is the abbreviation for domination and submission and is often spelled like this, with a capital (dominant) ‘D’ and a lower case (submissive) ‘s’. You will commonly find the same convention used in BDSM internet chat-rooms, where the Doms nick-names will start with an upper case letter and the submissives will use the lower case. In those circumstances it does no particular harm and its just a handy way of knowing peoples preferences. D/s’ Relationship – describes an ongoing relationship where each partner has a recognised role, one being dominant while the other is submissive. This structured way of relating to each other can apply either just in their sex-life or more pervasively to some or all other aspects of their daily life-style.
E Edge Play – is a term used for activities that carry a degree of risk which is perceived to be high, or play which pushes the submissives limits ‘to the edge’. It can include activities that are physically risky (eg the use of guns or knives in a scene) or ones that are emotionally risky (eg play that involves ‘taboo’ subjects like rape, slavery, or indeed anything the submissive is genuinely uneasy or phobic about). Electro Play – involves the use of electrical current, often applied to breasts of genitalia, in bdsm play sessions Emotional Triggers – are events, words, situations (eg rape) that produce a strong emotional reaction in particular indiviiduals and for that reason may be either deliberately avoided or used in play. Endorphins – are natural substances created by the body which reduce pain and can create a feeling of well-being and euphoria which is often called an ‘endorphin high’. Exercise can produce endorphins, and some athletes become addicted to the opiate-like feelings that a good workout can produce. The same feelings of euphoria and well-being are reported by some submissives during BDSM activities. this sensation is often called ‘bottom-space’, ‘sub-space’, ‘flying’ or an ‘endorphin-high’. Enema – is a device used to inject fluid into the anus to flush the lower intestines. Generally used for medical reasons (e.g. before surgery or internal examination) but sometimes used as part of D/s or sexual play for humiliation, to cleanse before other anal play, or just because you like having someone mess around with your ass. . English – is a code word for corporal punishment, stemming from the supposed devotion of the English to anything that smacks of a good spanking. Exhibitioniists – are people who love drawing attention to themselves. The term has a specific use in psychiatry, where it describes a compulsion to exhibit ones genitals in public.
F Fetish – is the word used to describe any sexual fixation upon an activity or object which often (but certainly not always) has its roots in some powerful experience or image from childhood. Common fetishes include feet, corsets, shoes, rubber, latex, leather, used panties, small furrry animals, and other things too weird to even contemplate. Fire and Ice – is a practice which involves in bdsm play the use of heat and cold, often candle wax for heat (the fire) and ice cubes (the ice) applied to the bare skin, especially the nipples or genital area. Fisting – describes the insertion of the whole hand into the anus (anal fisting) or the vagina (vaginal fisting). Flogger – is a multi-thonged whip, often made out of deerskin, elk, suede, or other pliable leathers. Flying – a transcendenal endorphin-induced state of bliss reported by some submissives during bdsm Foot Fetish – A fairly common fetish, in which the foot (or shoes) is the trigger for sexual desire. Forced Sex – In this context, a onsensual fantasy role-play where the dom pretends to force a sexual activity upon the submissive. It might involve forced oral sex or the acting out of a ‘rape’ scene. French (French Kissing) – any kissing that involves open mouths, tongues, and swapping spit. Also, occasionally used as a ‘code-word’ for cunnilingis (licking pussies) and fellatio (sucking cocks).
G Gags – are devices inserted into or covering the mouth to muffle sound or create feelings of helplessness. Gates of Hell – A linked series of rings, usually metal, of diminishing size which are fitted around the cock and held in place by a leather strap around the balls. Initially fitted to a flaccid cock, the device grips ever more tightly as the unfortunate victim becomes aroused and his cock becomes erect. Gender Orientation – identification with a particular gender. So for example, a male transexual might have a female gender orientation (i.e see himself as a woman) but still prefer to have sex with either men or women. Confused ? Gender Play – is dressing up or taking the role of the other sex during play. German – yet another ‘code-word’, this time for sado-masochism. Golden Shower – pissing on your partner or having them piss on you. The ‘golden shower’ is the urine. Gorean – the term comes from a series of over 20 sci/fi novels about a planet called Gor written by John Norman (real name John Frederick Lange). The slave culture described obviously struck a chord with many D/s devotees, because Gorean websites, newsgroups, and chat-rooms have sprung up all over the internet where people engage in a fantasy life based on the world described in the these novels.
Greek – a ‘code-word’ for anal sex. Sometimes also used specifically for homosexual anal sex.
H Handcuffs – metal restraints which lock around the wrists, just like the police use. Head Games – describes psychological manipulation by the dominant intended to intensify the erotic or emotional response of the submissive through heightened anticipation and fear. Hoods – cover the head and may be made from a variety of materials such as leather, cotton, latex, or rubber depending on your tastes. They are used to de-personalise and disorient or more benignly in bdsm as scary props for the dom or to provide an anonymity for dominant or submissive which can be quite liberating Humiliation – involves making someone feel ashamed or foolish by injuring their dignity and self-respect, especially publically. Some enjoy it in certain kinds of role-play or relationships. Mental domination exercised through humiliation or praise can be positive or destructive, depending on who is involved, their background, the intention behind the humiliation, and how it is carried out.
I Infantilism – is role-play involving infant-like behaviour such as wearing nappies (diapers), nursing, etc. An Infantilist is a person who sometimes likes to pretend that he or she is a baby/toddler. This can include the urge to be pampered, snuggling close by a maternal lover’s side, being helpless once again in mommy’s arms or sometimes even dressing as a baby.
J Japanese bondage (oriental bondage) – is an elaborate, and to some beautiful, rope bondage developed in the Orient where it was originally used as a torture technique. It combines the usual bondage-effect of helplessness with aesthetic beauty and in some cases an intense erotic massage (caused by the pressure of the ropes and knots) that’s similar to acupressure techniques and traditional Japanese shiatsu massage.
K Kajira – a Kajira is a gorean female slavegirl, not to be confused with a Kajirus who is her male counterpart or a Kajuralia, which is a festival in which gorean slaves trade places with their masters and have the freedom to play tricks on free persons. All of these terms come from the fantasy world of Gor (the counter-earth) created in the novels of John Norman . Katherine Wheel – is a large, vertically mounted wheel. The submissive is bound securely to the wheel, after which it can be rotated to give easy access to all areas of the ‘victims’ body for pleasing or teasing. Knifeplay – doesn’t necessarily involve cutting although it might. Knives are pretty scary things.
L Latex – is a clinging, shiny fabric and is the subject of a significant fetish with many devotees. Leather – is one of the most basic and widely-known fetishes in the BDSM scene. Leather skirts, leather chaps, leather harnesses, leather cuffs, leather paddles, the list is endless. Lifestyler – is a term used to describe a person who lives a lifestyle which supports their bdsm inclinations. Sometimes a person who hangs out a lot at BDSM clubs or parties will call himself a ‘lifestyler’ but others only consider themselves ‘lifestylers’ if they ‘stay in role’ as dominant or submissive, master or slave, not just for a night out at a club but full-time, 24-hours a day, seven days a week (or 24/7 as its often called ). Limits – are the boundaries of BDSM activities that we are unwilling to cross, things we don’t want to do and places we don’t want to go.
Live-In Slave – is a ‘lifestyle’ submissive who lives with, and serves, a master or mistress on a full-time basis.
M Marking – marks left on a submissives body as a result or punishment, for example whipping or caning. Sometimes viwed by submissives a bade of pride but can also be a major embarrasment if unwanted. Masochist – someone who derives pleasure, especially sexual pleasure, from pain or humiliation. The word comes from the name of Leopold von Sacher-Masoch (1839-95) the Austrian writer (and masochist) who described what he enjoyed so well in his novel, “Venus in Furs”. Master – the Oxford English Dictionary describes a ‘master’ as ‘a person who has dominance over others’ or ‘a skilled practitioner of a particular art’. Those two concepts, dominance and skill, are brought together in the use of the word ‘Master’ in a bdsm context. The title may sometimes be used within a D/s relationship as a loving tribute by a submissive to the skill of her partner or it may define a relationship in which the submissive sees herself as a ‘slave’ who is owned by her ‘master’. Essentially though the word describes how someone else regards you, not how you regard yourself. Menthol Play – is a form of erotic play in which menthol products are used on sensitive areas of the body to produce intense stimulation. Cough drops or toothpaste containing menthol can be used to spice up fellatio (cock-sucking) or cunnilingus (pussy-licking). Arthritis creams and sprays (e.g. Ben Gay) which contain menthol can also be used to make male masturbation more intense, but are generally much too strong to be tolerated on the sensitive internal mucous membrane of the anus or vagina. This kind of play needs to be treated with care because it can also cause intense discomfort. Mind Bondage – is a kind of bondage in which the submissive is restrained simply by the dominant describing to her how she is tied up or by telling her to stay in position. No ‘real’ bondage is involved. Mind Play – is psychological manipulation by the dominant intended to intensify the erotic or emotional response of the submissive through heightened anticipation and fear. It may be good or bad, depending on the circumstances and motive. Also known as head games, head trips, or mind-fucking. Mistress – a female dominant Mommy – a dominant, usually but not always female, who adopts a maternal role when relating to a submissive. Mummification – is a very tight and constricting kind of bondage in which the person is completely (or nearly so) wrapped in restrictive material such as bandages, cling-film, rubber or a special bag designed for this purpose. Munch – a term used to describe informal meetings run by bdsm clubs and organisations in safe, social settings such as a group lunch or ‘munch’ at a public restaurant, where kinky people can make new acquaintances or socialize with old friends in a low-key, pressure-free “vanilla” setting.
N Necrophilia – is sexual intercourse with, or attraction towards, corpses. Negotiation – is the art of reaching a clear agreement with your partner about the sort of play-session or relationship you want and the things you will do together. Arguably one of the most important bdsm skills. Nipple Clamps – may be purpose made or improvised from everyday things like clothes-pins or crocodile-clips and are applied, as the name suggests, to the nipples. Nipple Play – because nipples are so sensitive and erogenous they are a prime target for teasing and torment in a variety of ways, including the use of nipple clamps, hot wax, or whipping. Nonconsensual – if the motto of good bdsm is ‘safe, sane, and consensual’ then it follows that any bdsm activity which is genuinely nonconsensual is to be avoided. The reality of nonconsensual action is that it is abuse and not bdsm. Nostril Strap – most commonly favoured in Japanese BDSM, the nostril strap is made usually of bent wire with a string attached. The wire ends hook into the nostrils producing eye-watering pain if the string is pulled. Novice – is someone new to bdsm who lacks experience
O O (The Story of O) – was an influential novel about sado-masochism written by Pauline Reage in the 1950’s. Iit tells the story of ‘O’, a french woman who is taken by her lover Rene to a chateau called ‘Roissy’ on the edge of Paris where she is systematically subjugated and moulded into a willing slave through sexual assaults, regular whippings, and long hours in solitude. Oriental Bondage (japanese bondage) – is an elaborate, and to some beautiful, rope bondage developed in the Orient where it was originally used as a torture technique. It combines the usual bondage-effect of helplessness with aesthetic beauty and in some cases an intense erotic massage (caused by the pressure of the ropes and knots) that’s similar to acupressure techniques and traditional Japanese shiatsu massage. OTK or Over-the-Knee – is a popular and well-known position for spanking, where the person being spanked lays face-down across the lap of the spanker.
P Paddle (paddling) – a spanking implement intended to be used on the buttocks. Paddles are traditionally made of wood but variations include leather paddles, usually with a rigid spine made of steel or fibreglass, and wooden paddles with holes drilled in them to reduce wind resistance when the paddle is swung and produce a harder contact. Any relatively rigid, flat object such as a hairbrush or ping-pong paddle can also be used as a paddle. Pain Slut – a ‘pain slut’ is a masochist who enjoys and seeks out pain for its own sake. Pansexual – means not limited or inhibited in sexual choice by gender or activity; a sexuality that has many different forms, objects, and outlets. Often used to describe groups which embrace all gender and sexual orientations. Pervert – is a person whose sexual behaviour is regarded as unacceptable or abnormal. Often used by self-appointed moralists to describe those whose odd sexual tastes differ from their own odd sexual tastes. Piercing – involves penetrating the flesh, either temporarily or on a more permanent basis. In play-piercing, needles are used only for the duration of the play in different areas of the body. Permanent piercings, for decorative or erotic purposes, may be done in the nipple, tongue, nostril, eyebrow, ear, lips, scrotum, penis, the inner and outer labia, or the hood of the clitoris. Metal rings and studs are usually inserted into the piercings, and sometimes thin chains are attached to nipple or genital rings during BDSM play to ‘lead’ and control a submissive. Pillory – is a set of stocks mounted on an upright piece of wood, which imprison the head and hands obliging the prisoner to stand bent over in an uncomfortable position. Play – consensual bdsm activity which may or may not have an agreed sexual component. The sado-masochistic things two or more people do together in ‘play’ might range from a light spanking through erotic torture to pretty much anything else you can imagine. A ‘playroom’ is a safe and secure room specially set up for SM play, which might be equipped with restraints, mirrors, whips, paddles, whipping posts and benches, or whatever else you fancy. BDSM ‘play’ is also called a ‘scene’ or ‘sceneing’. Playroom – is a safe and secure room specially set up for SM play, which might be equipped with restraints, mirrors, whips, paddles, whipping posts and benches, or whatever else you fancy. Polyamorous – means “loving more than one”. The love may be sexual, emotional, spiritual, or any combination thereof, according to the desires and agreements of the people involved. “Polyamorous” is also used as a descriptive term for people who are open to more than one relationship even if they are not currently involved in more than one. Pony-Play – is a distinct sub-culture within BDSM. A ponygirl (or ponyboy) engages in role-play involving assuming the role of a ‘pony’ and being ‘trained’ by a dominant. Typically the human ‘pony’ is required to wear a harness and reins while performing actions that a real pony would perform, such as running on a lunge line, pulling a cart, carrying a rider or being groomed, inspected and shown. Position Training – is training a submissive to adopt a certain position on command or under certain circumstances. Some bdsm sub-cultures, for example the Goreans, are more into this than others and have quite elaborate requirements. Power Exchange – is a term used to describe a submissive granting a dominant power over her. The degree of power granted may be very limited, absolute, or anywhere in between. This ‘power-exchange’ forms the basis of most short-term bdsm play sessions and longer term D/s relationships. The dominant, in accepting the power which is offered, should also accept responsibilities towards the submissive which will include not abusing that power. PVC (Poly Vinyl Chloride) – is a thin, shiny plastic material often used for fetish clothes. Pussy Play – the female equivalent of ‘cock and ball’ torture. In this case clamping, whipping, or other ways of inflicting pain are focussed on the female genitalia.
Q Quirt – a flexible, leather riding crop favoured by cowboys in the comics I read when I was a tiny sadist.
R Rimming – A slang expression for anilingus (anal-oral sex) Role Play – adopting a different persona for the purpose of acting out sexual fantasies. Examples could be the stern schoolmaster and the naughty schoolgirl, the mistress and her slave, the torturer and his victim, doctor and nurse, priest and penitant, Batman and Robin, or whatever turns you on. Roissy – A fictitious chateau featured in the novel ‘Histoire d’O’ (The story of O) where the heroine, ‘O’, was first introduced to sadomasochism and enslaved. Sometimes used as a code word to indicate S/M
S Sadist – a person who derives pleasure, especially sexual gratification, from inflicting pain, suffering or humiliation on others. The word comes from the name of Donatien Alphonse Francois, compte de Sade, known as the Marquis de Sade (1740 – 1814). He was the author of several sexually explicit works which explored the darker side of sexuality and for which he spent much of his life imprisoned.
Safewords (safe signals) – are pre-arranged words or signals that can be used by a submissive in BDSM play to slow down or stop the action. Safe, Sane and Consensual – a phrase commonly used to encapsulate the best principles of bdsm activity. It must be safe; you must not put people at emotional or physical risk. It must be sane; bdsm play is not the place to play out your neuroses because , in doing so, you can hurt people. It must be consensual; anything done to to a person without their consent shows at best a lack of respect and more often is abusive. Good guiding principles. Safe Sex – is sex which does not impair the physical or emotional health of either partner, and involves precautions like wearing condoms, using denttal dams, being cafeful to protect yourself against blood, not taking part in any risky bdsm activities unless you know exactly what you’re doing and have your partners informed consent, and avoiding risky bdsm activites if you’ve been drinking or taking drugs. Scat – is play involving faeces (shit); eating it, smearing it over things, being shit upon, etc. Scene (sceneing) – bdsm activity between two or more people. Used as a noun, ‘scene’ is often used to describe the whole bdsm community or the many aspects of it you might come across, like ‘scene parties’ or ‘scene clubs’. It can also be used to describe an individual bdsm session, as in “I had a great scene with her last night”. It can also be used as a verb, as in “do you want to scene with me”, meaning do you want to have a bdsm session with me, or “she spends her life sceneing”. Used in this way, it is synonymous with the word ‘play’ . Slave – in its traditional meaning is a person who is the legal property of another and is therefore forced to obey them. In bdsm, someone may adopt the role of slave for the duration of a ‘scene’ or play-session or they may enter into a long-term, structured D/s relationship in which they are owned as a ‘slave’ by a dominant ‘master’. The word ‘slave’ is also used fairly interchangeably with ‘submissive’ by some, although the words in fact have different meanings. Every slave is submissive, but every submissive is not a slave. Slave Contract – is a formal document which may be agreed between a ‘master’ and his ‘slave’ setting out the nature and limits of their relationship. Spanking – involves striking your partners buttocks with your hand or a sometimes a flat implement like a hairbrush or paddle. The most common position for spanking is ‘OTK’, or ‘Over The Knee’. Spreader Bar – a bondage device, the spreader is a rigid bar of varying lengths, attached at the ends either to the wrists or ankles, which keeps the arms or legs apart and renders the submissive helpless. St Andrews Cross – is an X-shaped crucifixion device usually made of wood. The submissive is tied or chained to the cross, either facing towards or away from it, depending on what you intend to do with her. Sub Space – is a blissful and euphoric state reported by some submissives during bdsm play. Also called ‘bottom-space’, ‘flying’ or an ‘endorphin-high’ Submissive – is a person of either gender who submits to the will of a dominant, either for limited bdsm play or within a longer-term relationship. Suction Cups – are cups which are placed over the breasts to create a partial vacuum inside, sometimes assisted by pumps. The tissue inside becomes engorged with blood and expands, increasing its sensitivity. Suspension Bondage – is an advanced bondage technique in which the submissive is ‘suspended’ off the ground by means of ropes or other restraints. Switch – is the name for a person who enjoys both the submissive and dominant roles at different times.
T Top – a ‘top’ gives the pain or sensation which a ‘bottom’ wishes to receive, so for example in a spanking the ‘top’ will administer the spanking and the ‘bottom’ will be spanked. The word can also be used as a verb (as in ‘topping’ someone, meaning to give them pain or sensation).The words ‘top’ and ‘bottom’ are often used interchangeably with ‘dominant’ and ‘submissive’ but they are not synonymous. In relations between a dominant and a submissive there is always an exchange of power, where the submissive agrees to submit to the will of the dominant. That same surrender isn’t required or implied in a session between a ‘top’ and a ‘bottom’. Others sometimes equate the words to sadist (top) and masochist (bottom). Topping from the Bottom – is a phrase used to describe a ‘bottom’ or a ‘submissive’ who tries to control the BDSM play session while seeming to submit. Torture – in bdsm the word is usually used to describe the more severe forms of erotic punishment although what constitutes ‘severe’ will vary considerably between individuals. Training ( conditioning, slave-training ) – is a process whereby the dominant will seek to modify the submissives behaviour, responses or attitudes by systematic training. Transvestite ( cross-dresser, TV, tranny ) – is someone who likes to dress in the clothes of the opposite sex. Male transvestites differ from transsexuals in that they desire to dress and occasionally act as women, but do not consider themselves as women or even want to be. “Crossdresser” is generally the preferred term of those who participate in this behavior. Transsexual – is a person born with the physical characteristics of one sex, who emotionally and psychologically feels they belong to the other sex. Some are able to live their lives in the condition they were born, but others feel so uncomfortable that they seek to change their sex through medical intervention.
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V Vampire Gloves – are thin leather gloves which have sharp metal tacks or points on the fingers and/or palms. The length and sharpness of the points depends on your degree of sadism. Vanilla – implying ‘bland’ or ‘flavourless’, is a term used to describe non-BDSM sex or people. So for example you might hear someone saying they have a ‘vanilla partner’ (someone not into BDSM) or that they had ‘vanilla sex’ (sex not involving BDSM). Verbal Bondage – is an imaginative form of bondage and is sometimes helpful in training submissives. It involves putting your sub into some suitable position (hands-on-head or kneeling for example) and then ordering them not to move on pain of your displeasure or punishment. The only thing binding them is your command and their desire to submit. Violet Wand – is a device used for administering mild electric shocks. They generally have a glass bulb or globe at one end and use a high-frequency circuit, similar to a Tesla coil, to build up a static charge in the glass part, making it glow violet. Static sparks jump to the skin, with an associated “sizzle” and mild shock. As current doesn’t pass through the body these wands are pretty safe. Virtual D/s – is a term often used to describe the relatively recent phenomenon of D/s relationships that take place on the internet rather than in ‘real-life’. Also used in ‘Virtual Sex’, ‘Virtual Scene’, or ‘Virtual D/s’.
W Wartenberg Wheel – is a device for pricking people, originally used by doctors to test nerve responses. It consists of a metal handle with a free-spinning, metal pinwheel attached to one end. The ‘pins’ are generally sharp enough to feel ‘prickly’ but aren’t intended to break the skin. Holding the handle in your hand you roll the wheel over a person’s skin, creating the sensation of countless tiny pinpricks. Wax Play (Wax Torture) – involves dripping hot candlewax onto the skin of a submissive. Soft, plain white candles are safest. Avoid coloured or beeswax candles which have a higher melting point and can burn. Water Sports – pissing on your partner or having them piss on you. Also called ‘golden showers’ Weights – are sometimes added to clamps attached to nipples or genitals to increase the sensation. They can be custom made or improvised, for example the lead weights used for fishing. Whips – fall broadly into two main groups. The first includes all single-thonged whips, such as blacksnake whips, buggy whips, and bullwhips. They range in size from around 3 -12 feet. All will produce an intense burning sensation while the larger ones, if used injudiciously, can cut skin like a knife. The second main group is the multi-thonged whips, which includes a wide range of implements like the cat ‘o’ nine tails, two-tailed quirts, and other softer ‘floggers’.
