You’ve probably heard about BDSM from your friends, colleagues, and probably even from your partner. In fact BDSM has grown in popularity causing some artists to use it in their work and live performances. Sex-wise, however, BDSM gained a reputation plainly because it’s hot, it’s sexy, and it’s powerful. It can rekindle a dying flame, and keep it raging. If you think you want to try BDSM and you’re ready for it, you came to the right place. Mark this day as the start of your fantasies coming to life. However, before anything else, we need to make a few things clear.
There’s nothing wrong with BDSM. Let’s myth-bust the BS that only messed up people practice kinky sex. Anyone can be into BDSM as it can give extra spice to run of the mill sex. So, calm down – you’re perfectly normal if you find yourself craving a little bit of kink. Once you and your partner have decided to give BDSM a whirl, keep in mind that communication is essential before and after. When you have made that clear, run through these fetish pointers for beginners:
A bit of spanking
Light spanking is a great way to start your BDSM play. You can always add intensity as you go, and then incorporate adult toys next. Some beginners are asked to count the blows they are going to receive because it heightens the subbing/topping play between partners.
Pulling hair
Hair pulling is always a sexy thing to do during intimate moments, which can also be an excellent kink starter. It’s easy to execute as it doesn’t require toys, and it’s easy to control.
Bondage accessories
Bondage tools like scarves or bed restraints are standard in BDSM. When you decide to use a scarf, make sure to tie the hands loosely to avoiding cutting off the circulation. You can do it by allowing two fingers to slip between the tie. After trying a scarf, you can move on to using bed restraints. Giving up control over your body is quite arousing and is a hallmark of BDSM.
Dom/Sub name calling
Dominating or submissive calls like madam or sir, or using slightly aggressive language can establish roles in the XXX scene. However, degrading names like “whore,” “slut,” or “slave” must be pre-negotiated as some people may not like it.
Love bites
Biting is sexy and can make things hotter, but partners must talk about it first especially when it comes to leaving marks. Not all people can walk into the office covered in bite marks, or face family members etc…so play it safe.
Role-playing
Role-playing is critical to BDSM. Partners must establish who’s subbing and dominating. How to do it can be as simple as tying your partner’s arms behind their back while performing oral sex or massaging them in specific places.
Magical ‘Pervertables’
We called pervertables magical because these are everyday objects that can magically turn into sex toys. Things like brushes, spatulas, belts, and rulers can become kink essentials in disguise. You can use pervertables as a beginner if you’re not yet sure about buying real BDSM toys.
Floggers
Floggers may look scary, but they don’t need to cause pain. If you still can’t decide on the first adult toy to buy, floggers can be an excellent choice for kinky beginners.
Blindfolds
For beginners, blindfolded sensation play can establish control or give up control between subs and doms. It is achieved by lightly restraining someone while being blindfolded and then introducing various sensations using different objects.
Candle wax
Candle wax may look painful, but it’s not when applied correctly. You do need to do your research first before you try though. Some candles burn hotter than others, and that’s the kind of wax you need to avoid so that your kinky fun stays that way.
Coleen is a writer, photographer and film maker at Wasteland and Sssh.com.
Here at BDSMCafe.com, she is editor and curator of this comprehensive library of BDSM fiction, informational articles and other educational features that date back to the early days of the internet in 1996 when the site was first launched.
