People still consider unusual sexual practices such as BDSM a perversion and frown upon those, who support them. But there’s nothing wrong with spicing up intimate life – it’s absolutely natural. A lot of couples try BDSM from time to time. If you want some new experience too, all you need is to know where to start. These four tips will help you.
1) Find out your partner’s attitude towards BDSM
It would be a good idea to find out what your partner thinks about BDSM before stocking up on handcuffs and whips. You can do this with the help of thematic porn. Just show her a couple of videos and watch her reaction to what happens on the screen. If she’s not asking you to turn the video off and looking aroused, you can move to the next level. Offer her to try everything you just saw and say that you already have the necessary ‘tools’ for this.
If you’re one of those couples that watch porn in secret from each other, then, perhaps, it’s a bit early to introduce BDSM into your intimate life. Start with something less extravagant. For example, combine your personal porn archives into one folder and watch them together.
2) Get a room
Still trying to figure out how to sneak BDSM toys into your bedroom so that your partner doesn’t call you a pervert? It’s pretty simple: rent a room in some hourly paid hotel (or, as they’re also called play apartments), and tell your partner that you’d like to try sex in a new place. It’s unlikely that she’ll say no because this is really a nice idea. If she asks why the room is equipped with everything necessary for a BDSM party, from rings on the ceiling to shackles on the walls, just say that it’s standard equipment for such hotels.
3) Don’t forget about a stop (safe) word
Even students know what a stop word is. But we’ll say it once again. Stop word is used to stop the process if something goes wrong or doesn’t bring pleasure. Beginners usually don’t need it, but it’s better to take care of your partner and have one. Besides, knowing that you have a stop word, your partner will tune to the right mood for the party.
You need to agree on what word you’re going to use in advance. Here’s one more thing you should take into account: you can’t use words like ‘no,’ ‘stop,’ and so on. Such words are usually a part of the game. If your partner screams ‘Watermelon’ or ‘Paris Hilton,’ you’ll know for sure that she/he wants to stop. But if you take ‘no’ for actual no, you risk stopping a moment before she/he reaches orgasm, and the whole process will be spoiled.
4) Don’t drink
The desire to have a few drinks before sex is completely logical. But there’s one thing: you can offer a glass of champagne to your partner, but you better stay sober. Because the main thing in BDSM is not properly selected whips and handcuffs but safety. If your consciousness is clouded, you can slap your partner a bit too hard or tie the knot too tight. BDSM experience can and should become exciting but not traumatic.
And the last thing: if you’re just planning to plunge into the world of new pleasures, start with something simple and safe: easy slaps or simple knots. This way you’ll have the opportunity to understand how much you’re interested in all this, and whether you want to try something tougher or not. Besides, controlling your progress, you avoid unwanted physical and mental traumas. Oh, and if you’re looking for more tips on spicing up your intimate life, check out the blog at https://ru-brides.com/.
Coleen is a writer, photographer and film maker at Wasteland and Sssh.com.
Here at BDSMCafe.com, she is editor and curator of this comprehensive library of BDSM fiction, informational articles and other educational features that date back to the early days of the internet in 1996 when the site was first launched.
