Kinky individuals are always looking for the next greatest opportunity to let their freak flag fly. However, it’s not as easy for some people to find unique and intimate romances as it is for others. Gay men with a kinky side often face some pushback when they try to meet men interested in gay BDSM. Fortunately, a new perspective on BDSM for gay men can help you realize that many guys are into this sort of arrangement, you just have to know where to find them.
Contrast BDSM session for gay
BDSM is somewhat similar between gay and straight couples. The basic concept is that people find some form of kink they enjoy and then find partners who are fellow practitioners. The only drawback is the social perception of gay people who are into BDSM is quite negative. In fact, they are often regarded as being more deviant for having a kink they like compared with heterosexual couples. That means gay men are often mistreated when they try to mention their love of BDSM sessions with other guys. That doesn’t stop them from having fun, though. The modern world has tech that can help gay men get past these issues, though. Getting involved with gay BDSM dating is possible with the aid of a dating website. Using these online services, gay men get the benefit of looking for people who want the same kinds of BDSM interactions as them. So, if you’re interested in exploring your foot fetish, a dating site can lead you to hundreds of local gay guys who are ready to indulge this fantasy and help you realize all your wildest dreams. Single heterosexual people find partners by using dating sites as well, but their needs are not as great as the gay community. The implied shame of being a kinky person, along with having to “out” yourself as a gay man makes using an anonymous and secure dating service a far better option than trying to talk to convince people to get involved with you face to face.
Submissive and Dominant in Gay Couples
Many people assume that gay couples are reflections of heterosexual couples in the sense that someone has to be the “man” and someone has to be the “woman.” That concept alone implies a dominant and submissive relationship within the context of gay relationships. The truth is much more complex than that, but it is reflected within the BDSM community for gay men. Take the “bear” community of men, for example. These are larger, masculine, older men who take younger, smaller men as their partners. In this case, the cubs are the submissive people in the relationship, but that is not always indicative of a BDSM relationship occurring. However, it’s easy to see how these relationships can form between gay men. Although it’s not a “male” and “female” situation where one person has to be the dominant one within a gay relationship, some men like the idea of losing control. Since both partners are men, it can be a relief not to feel as though they need to be in control, and they express their desire to lose control by taking part in a BDSM scene. Bondage, choking, and spanking are just some of the ways that gay men enjoy BDSM with their partners. It’s still wise not to ascribe submissive and dominant context to gay relationships based on their sexuality.
How to make a BDSM session the best for gay couples
When gay guys are trying to get together for a good BDSM session, they have to follow certain rules to make it comfortable for them and their partners. Take a look at the rules to making a BDSM session the best it can be:
find the right romantic partner to suit your needs by meeting on a dating service;
talk about your preferences;
establish hard and soft boundaries (along with a safe word);
make sure to ease into the BDSM scene;
practice good aftercare with one another;
follow your partner’s guidelines the entire time and never circumvent their desires.
Gay men have a more difficult time finding and engaging in BDSM outcomes, but they need to make sure they follow the rules to have a successful interaction when they find a good partner. Being safe, taking things slow, and being with the right sort of man instead of the first guy you find are all ways to have a fulfilling experience.
Meeting the right gay partner for BDSM outcomes is a transformative experience, but it’s not something that every man knows how to do. The online dating community is much more supportive and understanding of gay people, so it’s easier to find a guy online than it is in person. The lack of misunderstanding on dating sites, along with the benefits of security, anonymity, and customization when it comes to seeking partners, makes online BDSM dating for gay men better in just about every way.
Coleen is a writer, photographer and film maker at Wasteland and Sssh.com.
Here at BDSMCafe.com, she is editor and curator of this comprehensive library of BDSM fiction, informational articles and other educational features that date back to the early days of the internet in 1996 when the site was first launched.
