Compared to the vulnerability that appears in regular, vanilla relationships, this term gets a whole other meaning in BDSM. And even though it sounds contradictory at first, there are actually numerous BDSM couples who are able to derive strong sexual pleasure from vulnerability. Moreover, it seems that is practically a backbone of their intimate life since it allows the entire dom/sub mechanism to work. On the other hand, the power of vulnerability plays an important role in other types of relationships as well. You can find a partner on some of cowboy dating sites, for instance, and then let them see your vulnerable side when the timing is right and when you feel comfortable enough. Believe it or not, this can make a relationship thrive, especially in an emotional sense, but the situation is a bit specific when it comes to BDSM, as we’re about to see.
Vulnerability = Openness
In almost any BDSM relationship, there are usually dominance/submission aspects or roles that are played by interested parties. Still, non-BDSM people wrongly believe that being submissive is somehow bad, but this is far from the truth. As a matter of fact, a submissive partner who is more open about their vulnerability is actually more appealing to a dominant one. Openness is crucial for vanilla relationships too, there’s no doubt about that, yet people are usually embarrassed about it and sweep it under the carpet for longer periods of time. BDSM couples, on the other hand, usually blossom in a sexual way when a submissive partner shows their vulnerability. An experienced master/mistress usually knows how to use it in the right way so that both sides can enjoy even more erotic pleasure by channeling the sexual potential that comes with it.
Vulnerabilty = Closeness
Believe it or not, being vulnerable and honest about it actually creates a bond between a dominant and submissive side. The most important thing is that a dom doesn’t abuse the submissive’s vulnerability but rather to embrace it and thus act in a caring way that will make the entire sexual game even more exciting than it was before. Vanilla couples, on the other hand, will probably thrive more in an emotional sense if one of the partners is open about what makes them feel vulnerable and other is supportive and full of understanding about it but ultimately, their sex life will probably keep the status quo. BDSM relationships, however, are reaching entirely new heights continuously because dominant/submissive dynamics function thanks to a complex power-exchange so submissive’s vulnerability is just one link in a chain. It’s basically like a never-ending kinky game in which you’re constantly leveling and discovering something new and fresh. We can actually compare it with a picture of a naked female body and the sensation it gives to a man – because the vulnerability in BDSM has a similar effect on a submissive and dominant alike.
Displaying vulnerability doesn’t give dominant side a license to abuse it
Every healthy BDSM relationship should be based on a mutual consensus. Period. That being said, we can easily conclude that a master’s/mistresses role can be essential in maintaining this healthy atmosphere. What does this mean exactly? Well, a dom shouldn’t abuse the submissive’s vulnerability for his/hers selfish cause but rather focus on creating dynamics that will be satisfying and joyful for both sides. A sub, on the other hand, is not obliged to stay in any kind of an unhealthy relationship because BDSM or not, being involved with someone is a two-way street that works only if both sides are satisfied and happy.
Finally, the power of vulnerability in BDSM is immense and should be used wisely and to the joy and pleasure of everyone involved.
Coleen is a writer, photographer and film maker at Wasteland and Sssh.com.
Here at BDSMCafe.com, she is editor and curator of this comprehensive library of BDSM fiction, informational articles and other educational features that date back to the early days of the internet in 1996 when the site was first launched.
